What The Fortresses of Old San Juan, Puerto Rico Made Me Realize…

What The Fortresses of Old San Juan, Puerto Rico Made Me Realize…

What The Fortresses of Old San Juan, Puerto Rico Made Me Realize

Many times we are not even aware that we are living in a fortress… actually, we masquerade our fear so well that it looks like a castle. Our conversations are full of compliments, niceties, side conversation, even chit chat… we think we are being polite, but what we are actually doing is avoiding an honest, deeper conversation and therefore, a deeper connection.

I can share many a conversation I’ve had from the tower of my own castle. Every time my mother would make a comment about my children or something I should keep an eye on, I would smile evenly and change the subject. I shut down. I was afraid of her pointing out my shortcomings and more so, I was afraid of becoming AWARE of my own shortcomings.

So, how can we come down from our tower, bring down the drawbridge, cross the mote and connect? Here are three questions to ask yourself:


  1. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Whether we are aware of it or not, we are continuously operating within the constraints of our fears. Some can be as obvious as fear of heights, so we don’t climb towers… but for the most part they are hidden way beyond our consciousness and they act in the dark… sabotaging our dreams and stopping us from living our fullest.
  2. WHAT TRIGGERS YOU? Sometimes uncovering our fears can be really difficult, especially when trying to do it alone; so one way to uncover your fears is to pay attention to what triggers you. Pay attention, do you get annoyed when someone offers you feedback? Are there words, or statements or even people that trigger you? Put yourself in situations that you know you’ll be triggered and stay in the feeling it generates. Ask yourself, what am I afraid of?
  3. WHEN ARE YOU SNEAKING OUT OF CONVERSATIONS? Watch your words. When someone is offering you feedback, do you say “I know”? When something goes wrong do you immediately explain yourself or try to make sure it was not your “doing’? Do you go off on tangent in order to share YOUR story instead of listening to theirs?  Watch your communication habits and you’ll find a world of opportunities for deeper conversations and connections!


I believe that each one of us brings a UNIQUE idea, perspective and insight when we are able to communicate efficiently, learn and listen to each other.


Oh and by the way, there are 2 spots left for my LIVE 2 DAY WORKSHOP on speaking! Tuesday & Friday October 11th & 12th in New Bedford, MA… you will walk away with:

  • Your signature talk
  • Speaker BIO & PITCH
  • A path to a red circle stage
  • And more…



In Clarity,



Dolores Hirschmann is an internationally recognized strategist, Clarity coach, TEDxOrganizer, Speaker & Author. She has over 20 years experience helping entrepreneurs, companies & organizations realize their potential—by guiding them to CLARITY—to define their CORE IDEA, message and market strategy needed to reach their next level of growth. As a Speaker Coach Dolores guides speakers to go from successful professionals to thought leaders in their field. If you would like to learn more visit: www.mastersinclarity.com or download her free resource “STAND OUT THE TED WAY”

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