Birthdays are meant to be celebrated. Birthday musings and celebrating myself is the order of the day! Dolores Hirschmann celebrates herself on this special day by talking about her birthday experiences. She muses on her birthdays growing up and how she celebrates today with her family. Dolores also shares a bit of insight on her changing views on her birthday, and talks about letting her staff do the monthly newsletter she usually takes charge of.
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Celebrating Myself: A Birthday Episode
It’s my birthday. It actually feels weird to be the birthday girl, as you would say. I don’t know about you. I’m not sure how you have experienced your birthdays, especially if you are a woman, a mom, married, leading a family and being the one that is always baking the cake. As I wake up on my birthday, I can remember many past birthdays and this one is special. In the next one, maybe we can be together at a party somewhere celebrating together. That’s what I look forward to. At my age, it is almost like the end of a phase and maybe tomorrow is the beginning of a new phase. I wake up with so much to reflect upon. First of all, I’m grateful for my age, not everybody makes it this far.
I’m grateful for the family I have built, the children. Hopefully, I will have four of them for dinner. We never know who will make it or cancel last minute because they are busy now. They are all adults, most of them. I’m grateful for my four children, for my partner, my husband, Alex. We have been together now for many years. It has been a wild, amazing and incredible journey. Like anything, a journey is a journey. It has all elements of a journey. It has tears, sorrow, laughter so many moments of a deep feeling of joy, fulfillment and deep moments of sadness. It’s strange for me to be creating this episode for my birthday because I have had a difficult relationship with the day of my birthday.
I grew up in Argentina so July is winter. I was that girl in 2nd and 3rd grade that would never have her birthday party on her birthday. Why? It’s winter and who holds a bunch of kids in the house? Back then, we wouldn’t have places to rent like party places, for little kids’ parties so all birthday parties were at home. I would never have my birthday party on my birthday day or my birthday month because it was winter. I would always have a birthday party in September or October. My friends thought my birthday was in the spring of Argentina but it wasn’t. It was in July.
Nobody can disappoint something that you didn’t ask for.
Growing up, I had that divorced child birthday situation where I wake up and spend the morning with my dad and then have dinner with my mom or worse when my mom lived in Uruguay, which is a country next to Argentina, I sometimes would be with my mom and not my dad. Sometimes, it will be with my dad and step-mom and not my mom on the day of my birthday. There was always a little bit of sadness on the day of my birthday. Now, I am committed to experiencing the full spectrum of emotions of my birthday.
Maybe there is a little bit of sadness because I am in the US and half of my family is not here. It’s in Argentina. My mom is here with me. I’m very grateful and excited that she gets to spend my day here in the US at my home. My dad is not here so I know I will miss him. My siblings are not here. My best friends growing up are not here. My beautiful Argentinian team is not here. There are a lot of people that I will miss now and there’s going to be that speck of a little bit of sadness. Let’s go back to the concept of birthdays and moms because I think that’s another part of this conversation.
As a mom, I like to celebrate with people. As you evolve with your kids, we have four children, very young, birthdays were always busy days. On my birthday, it was one of those situations where my inertia of baking everybody’s cake for their birthday and making the plan for whatever celebration was going to happen has always continued that I would plan my birthday or bake my cake. As the years went by, a little bit of a feeling of, “I have five people who live with me. Let’s give them a chance to celebrate me,” and here’s the truth. They always disappoint me. The truth is they didn’t disappoint me because nobody can disappoint something that you didn’t ask for.
I felt that they disappointed me but the truth is I never gave them a chance. There was an idea of a celebration of how I wanted it and they have their own idea of how to celebrate people. Those ideas were not synchronized. There was a very clear expectation I had, which by the way, I never clearly communicated that wasn’t fulfilled. Every birthday was a little bit of disappointment. I have to say, I was setting myself up for failure every time. I was setting myself up to play the victim every time. Putting this out there, saying this publicly, I’m a little bit embarrassed but I also feel that at my age, it’s time, to be honest with myself and with my people.
Birthday Celebration: It’s been a wild, amazing and incredible journey. It has tears, sorrow, laughter, so many moments of a deep feeling of joy and fulfillment and deep moments of sadness.
I’m going to speak for myself. I’m not sure how you feel about this but there’s a little side of me called the victim side that always wants to come out and play. It doesn’t take much for her to show up. The cake wasn’t the flavor I wanted. “They don’t know me enough. They don’t take the time to know me.” The gift or the dress was a size too small or too big, “Maybe I’m too fat.” I’m a victim of me. The jewelry I’ve got was not exactly what I liked or I already have that one. “How can he or the kids forget that I already have that?” They don’t know what I have or not. I haven’t told them.
One of the things that I am committed and this is a gift to myself. I am gifting myself the release of my victim side. I am gifting myself the opportunity to play full-on me and to embrace without an idea of what my celebration should look like but allow and accept other people celebrating me in their own way. It’s taken me years to get to this commitment but it will change my life forever and I know it. One thing I’m committed to practicing from now on is allowing people to celebrate me, to love me and to have my back is really hard to do. It’s so much easier to say you love others but how can we love others if we have never experienced being loved. Not because we haven’t been loved but because we haven’t allowed that love.
Let me share a quick story of what’s happening that has also triggered this thought process for me and, in some way, has taught me so much. As you know, I am the Founder and CEO. Sometimes I call myself the CCO, Chief Clarity Officer of Masters in Clarity. We run a great company with an amazing team. We are very organized and system-oriented. We have so many processes and we are proud of operating from a structure and framework of planning, not putting off fires. We don’t run a company full of stressors or stressful moments. We move fast but we plan. In that fashion, we plan our monthly content about a month or two ahead of time. We have yearly content planning meaning, I know now what I’m going to talk about. For a month or two ahead of each month, we create the content.
The theme is set for the whole year but the actual pieces of content, the articles, blogs, newsletters are created about a month or two ahead. In early June, my team comes to me. They know that July for all of us is a busy month. I have a quite few long weekends. I’m taking some time off here or there. They said, “What if we take over the writing of the newsletter this month?” I do love to write and I write my newsletters every single month. I was like, “Sure,” not knowing what this looks like because I had a clear plan of what I was going to share this month. I like to teach people what we learn and share best practices but if you have not met me, you wouldn’t know that adventure is one of my top five values. I love to honor my value of adventure.
It’s so much easier to say you love others, but how can we love others if we’ve never experienced being loved?
Adventure can mean many different things. It could mean a new flavor of ice cream or letting your team run your newsletter. By the way, they said, “We will take over your newsletter. You can record the episode but we will also take over your social media posting.” I’m like, “Okay, sure.” You might have already received some of these newsletters written by my team. If you haven’t, you can access some of the articles from my website with our team’s articles that they wrote. What they decided to write about was, “What does it look like to work for Masters in Clarity and me as the leader of Masters in Clarity?”
Here’s what I have to say. I didn’t know until I started reading those newsletters that my team created that I was running two companies. I didn’t understand that I’m serving two markets, impacting two different populations. I didn’t understand that every day I show up to work, I’m serving powerfully, sometimes not so but mostly, two ideal clients. Let me explain. As I start reading what my team wrote, I read things like, “Working on Masters in Clarity has allowed me to understand and discover what I’m good at.”
Lora in my team wrote, “When I went to college, I saw myself eventually working in a corporate space. I imagined myself wearing business attire every day, attending boring meetings, praying that my penchant for running late would somehow miraculously shift into me being punctual. I’m hoping I would at least land a job for a company I sought or liked. Doing work, I felt kind of okay about it. Basically, I had very low expectations and thought that work was what you did for money, it was not about doing what you love.
When I first started working for Dolores at Masters in Clarity, the company was starting to take shape but she knew from the get-go that our job was to serve our clients at the highest level. To do that, we had to value and take care of each other. After several years of working with Dolores, I can tell you that she’s exactly who she says she is. She’s tack sharp, full of ideas and can sort through a mountain of words to find the perfect phrase that sums up an idea.” Lora wrote in her article that she doesn’t work for a paycheck, although she obviously gets one. She works for and with the people she loves. We call each other family doing work that she loves.
Birthday Celebration: When you shift something inside and all of a sudden allow the people in your world to come into your heart, it is curious, amazing and magical what can happen.
What else did I learn? Here’s another thing I learned. Anchiles wrote, “What to say about my boss? Let me tell you. She doesn’t behave like one. She’s one of the team. She works horizontally and makes us trust our criteria. Her charisma always floods meeting with good vibes, whether the mood is cheerful or serious. There’s a time for all of us to express ourselves our challenges, obstacles or feelings.” This is what nailed it for me. Faith said, “I want to share the most important thing that Dolores has taught in the past few years and that has changed my life.” She puts in parentheses, “I’m not even sure she knows this.” She shares that, “I taught her that change happens. It’s inevitable. Change is good but not always the safest option or comfortable. Being clear on who you are and what you can offer is the best thing in the world that you can give to anybody around you, including yourself and that’s true, whether you are an entrepreneur or you work for a company.”
I’m aware and intentional now. It’s something that we all know. If you are leading a team, you know you are having at least an influence, if not an impact but knowing and being aware of it, knowing and being intentional about it, are two different things. When I have allowed my team to celebrate me is I have realized that Masters in Clarity is an entity of itself bigger than me. Masters in Clarity is a group of souls, of human beings, who are supporting each other, working together, serving our clients at the highest level and that their experience in Masters in Clarity is part of their life journey. In my day-to-day work, I am serving an amazing group of human beings whose lives are aligned with mine and we are together working for a common goal.
We know that’s what a leader does but saying it out loud and understanding the honor, the responsibility and the opportunity that I get to have with women is blowing my mind. It’s making me recognize what is possible if I have a clear vision for my team and serve them powerfully as we together have a clear vision for our clients and serve them powerfully. When you shift something inside and all of a sudden allow the people in your world, random person you run into the street, spouse, team, children, longtime friend or anybody in your world to come into your heart, it is curious, amazing and magical what can happen.
I want to celebrate my birthday with you. I invite you to send me a happy birthday through @DoloresHirschmann on Instagram or LinkedIn. As I say this part, my brain is saying, “Dolores, don’t ask for that. That’s pulling attention to yourself. You shouldn’t do that. A good girl doesn’t do that.” Why am I saying this out loud? It’s because it’s true and that’s happening. It’s popping up but I’m saying to that voice out loud and in public now, “Shush voice.” That’s an ego voice playing small, being a victim or hiding my lights don’t serve me, my team, my clients, my market, my children, my spouse and you who I haven’t met yet but I would love to meet you. Maybe we can be on this life journey together as well. Happy birthday to me and you on your day. This is about celebrating our lives and my life because I, just like you, were born in purpose and for a purpose. I am committed to honoring this purpose for the benefit of all of us from this day forth.
Important Links:
- @DoloresHirschmann – Instagram
- LinkedIn – Dolores Hirschmann
We all have gifts, and it is our calling to share them with the world. As a businesswoman, you should fight through the hardships and celebrate your growth. This is how Luly B. Carreras became a strong leader in her community. Luly is a family-first speaker, trainer, consultant and author of the Amazon best-seller Balance is Bull$h!t. Join Dolores Hirschmann and Luly in this conversation about how you can share your gifts with the world. As a woman, you can create a business around your lifestyle and family priorities so that you can experience joy in all that you do.
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Sharing The Gifts We Have With Luly B. Carreras
I’m so excited about my conversation with Luly B. She is a mom and self-proclaimed magnet for awesomeness. As the bestselling author of Balance is Bull$h!t, she helps women create a business around their lifestyle and family priorities so that they can experience joy in all that they do. I met Luly in 2016. At that time, I was so attracted to her boldness, Cubanness and joy. She is one of those people that the moment you get to meet her, you want to hang out around her. She has that energy of positivity and connectedness. She is a master at building communities and helping women build businesses that match their lifestyles. Check out this episode with Luly B. You don’t want to miss it.
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I’m so excited about this conversation. Luly B is a mom and self-proclaimed magnet for awesomeness. As the bestselling author of Balance is Bull$h!t, she helps women create a business around their lifestyle and family priorities so that they can experience joy in all that they do. Luly, thank you so much for saying yes to having this conversation together. I’m so excited to see you. We haven’t talked for a couple of years. I know we have been all on a journey. It has been a crazy ride for the world and all of us. Let’s start with your clarity journey. How did you find your path to this moment now?
First of all, I want to say thank you not only for having me but for doing the work that you do. It’s powerful and I love that you get to give us a platform to be vulnerable and courageous in sharing our journeys. All too often, when I’m interviewed, we tend to focus on all the glory moments. In preparing for this interview, I was so excited because I’m all about sharing the non-glorious moments, which is what gets us to the glorious moments, which is what the journey of clarity is.
For me, my journey of clarity has been one of a lot of very dark moments and excruciating years since 2017. I don’t know if you have ever been to an arcade or a Chuck E Cheese. It’s the game where the little animal comes up, and then you get to whack it. It’s called Whac-A-Mole. I feel like as I finally I’m getting back up, I have been beaten down or Whac-A-Moled back down. I’m grateful that I have the wisdom, discernment, grace, faith, guidance, and openness to know that that is clarity and growth at work. My journey has been one that I have a lot of appreciation for and one that I’m thrilled to share.
Sharing Your Gifts: There are different stages and phases of life. If you decide that family comes first, you can still improve on your business, but it might take a little longer.
In your work, you open this path to empower women. In some ways, these are not your words. My understanding is you help women understand that they can have it all to some extent, have the version of all that they want, have financial freedom, have a business without compromising what they don’t want to compromise and design how it all works together.
Oprah said it best, «You can have everything you want, just not all at the same time.»
It’s your version of all. I’m a mother of four. You are a mother of two. I always said to my husband, «I have been a full-time business owner and full-time mama.» He said, «The math doesn’t compute,» and I will say, «It’s my math.» I define 100% what it looks like.
There are different stages and phases of life and we get to remember that. We get to remember that now my sons are in high school and I’m a single mom. It’s different from years ago when I was married and I had grade school children. Therefore, my business looks very different because I have made the decision for myself that my family will come first. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get to build this incredible business and do the work that I love to do. It just means that it might take a little longer, look a little different and I might have a few more boundaries.
I had a hard stop because I had another death in the family and I had to prepare to leave for Atlanta. I was facilitating a conversation. I’m a faculty member of a program and the meeting was supposed to be over at 10:00 AM. I said, «I have a hard stop at 10:00 AM.» I’m reminding you because I usually will stay on a few extra minutes and this time I couldn’t because the family had to come at 10:00 on the dot. Also, it’s being clear about those boundaries and being okay with saying and asking for what I want. I’m making those requests always with integrity and respect but making those requests nonetheless.
Let’s talk about the work that you do. What is the one thing you have learned from your people in your market? If you are a business owner and you are reading this, this is an important part of our conversation because we assume what our market needs. When we go and jump into the pool, we realize that where they find the most value is in things we either thought were obvious or taken for granted and that’s gold for them. I suspect that in the space that you are with women business owners, you might have been surprised. Tactics and strategies are obviously a part of it but we don’t need more tactics and strategies. Women business owners need something else. What is that else?
You can have everything you want, just not all at the same time.
As a marketer myself, I used to have a marketing agency. That’s how you and I connected because we geeked out on marketing several years ago. I learned a big lesson from my own community. What I do for a living is help women create businesses around their lifestyle and family priorities. It’s because I wrote that book, Balance is Bull$h!t, I did and I still do get the attention of the corporation. I get to do workshops and even team training, communication on purpose and cool things that I get to do in corporations as well.
I have had this community for many years called BOOST. In this community, women pay an annual membership fee. They get everything from workshops to one-on-one time with me. We do accountability groups, mastermind each month and do quarterly planning. I was attracting a lot of married moms of grade school children. One year, several Millennials joined the community. It’s because I’m a marketer, I paid attention. I went back to this little worksheet that I have that I always give my clients on your customer profile. It’s what I like to call your unicorn client.
What I realized is the one thing that I was all about is freedom and flexibility. These Millennials, while they weren’t married, didn’t have children and didn’t have the unique challenges that married mothers of grade school children had, they did have the desire, hopes and dreams to have freedom and flexibility. I was attracting them without even realizing it. I found it so fascinating and you are absolutely right. One of my clients said, «Luly, everything you teach us, we can google.» That did not hurt my feelings.
We have to be aware of that.
She is absolutely right, «Everything I teach you, you can google.» I love to quote, «The greats, I have maybe learned that from a book or course that I have taken but what I know that I do well is I bring all of that together for you.» At my core, I’m going again on the theme of clarity. What I have to offer are community and connection. I have access to the resources. I can make valuable recommendations for you. I could tell you about the book or the course of the person.
Sharing Your Gifts: Just let the plane take off and build it while it’s flying. All too often, people allow the plane to sit on the tarmac for weeks because it’s not perfect.
I will make text introductions and give you warm leads. I will also give you the place to create that for yourself because I’m a magnet for awesomeness. Many people that come into my community or attend my events are awesome because there are non-awesome people that think I’m crazy. That was another great point of clarity, «Being okay with not being for everybody.»
It’s like dating. We can’t marry and date everybody. There are a lot of people that we don’t want to date. The clearer we are with who we don’t want to hang out with, the clearer those that do want to hang out with us will be attracted. I always say, «Clarity is kindness and clear boundaries are absolute kindness.» One of the things that hurt relationships and us in the world the most is all of the assumptions that we do about other people, and then we behave around those assumptions. Assume makes an ass out of you and me.
When we operate in the assumption space without assuming things from other people and letting people assume things from us without us taking the lead to clarify and say, «I only work these hours. I make my meetings on time, show up on time and depart on time. This is how I function.» People can accommodate that. People function better when they know what they are dealing with. Clarity and clear boundaries are kindness. Speaking of clarity, how much clarity do you need to take action? What’s the balance between knowing the path, anticipating every step and taking action?
I speak in terms now of before and after my divorce. My divorce in 2018, while it was so excruciating and I don’t wish the experience on anyone, I have a deep appreciation for it because I have become a better version of myself as a result of all the pain that I experienced. One of the big lessons for me, in fact, in my BOOST Community, I often share like, «This is less than 382 of my divorce.» The growth that I experienced as a result of the pain is also my mindset. I do believe that there are lessons in everything and rainbows after the storms. We just don’t always see them because we are in the storm.
For me, I used to be that person that would dot my I’s and cross my T’s. A couple of years ago, I probably wouldn’t have even come on video with such little makeup. I would have made sure that all my background was perfect. Now, I don’t know that I strive for that perfection anymore. I still struggle with it every once in a while but my standard has become excellence versus perfection. I do look beautiful but I don’t put that extra unnecessary pressure, heaviness and weight on things. Also, I’m okay with not having all the answers.
Back to your question, I remember early on in my personal development journey with one of my mentors, Ali Brown. She always said, «Let the plane take off. Build the plane while it’s flying.» While that might sound absurd, some of the best campaigns and projects that I have launched and created, I haven’t had a very clear understanding of how every single thing was going to work. I’m grateful for that because, all too often, we allow the plane to sit on the tarmac for weeks, months, and years because it’s not perfect. It’s like, «I want to find the perfect name for it. The colors are not right.»
It’s like, «Just get it done, tweak it later, and then you have a great story of, ‘»Do you remember what it used to look like and how crappy that was? Look at it now.'» You then get to celebrate the growth. I’m very much now of the mindset of, «There is a preparation that needs to take place. We are not going to be irresponsible, either. We are going to take the necessary time to do the research and planning but also not get caught up on the tactics that might not matter.»
There are lessons in everything and rainbows after every storm.
At Masters in Clarity, we talk clarity. There is a balance. There is only so much clarity you need to get that plane off the ground. As it’s flying, the answers to many of the questions that were holding you back are revealed and you can implement them. I always say, «When we drive at night, we drive really fast when we drive our cars.» Sometimes there is no moon and it’s pitch dark. We can only see as far as our headlights will show us but we trusted there’s a road and we continue at 60 miles per hour knowing that the next mile will be revealed every time we move forward.
Here’s the thing. You and I are similar in that we love our work. Through the last few years, you and I have had some long coffees. The last few years have changed our lives. Like your situation and my situation, all of a sudden, we needed to become financially independent for different reasons. Your divorce, my husband’s divorce with his family business and what that has entailed for us. They are all struggles in their own way but we have been able to navigate these moments in our own way.
Some women will say, «I need to support my family. I will go find any 9:00 to 5:00 job and just muscle-through.» We are the lucky ones because we get to financially support our families while doing work we love and work that we are clear on our impact. What is that impact that Luly B has in the world and that you will continue to have and you are dreaming of having even more?
You gave me chills. I do believe, like Marianne Williamson says that, “We are all born with gifts.” Those gifts come in the form of talents, skills and abilities. It is our duty and responsibility to share them with this world. That’s something that I have been telling my children ever since they were little. It was important to me as a mom that I model that for them.
For me, I’m big, boisterous, bold and loud. I’m a rainbow in people’s storms. I’m going to see that glass half full. I’m relentless and stubborn because I’m not only a woman but I’m a Cuban and a Capricorn. I don’t know how to tone it down and lower the volume. I have finally started at the age of 43 to embrace that and realize that is what makes Luly so amazing. What makes me so amazing is my ability to love in the way that I do. It’s because of all of those things that I mentioned, I get to create the impact that I was born to create. I didn’t decide this. This was decided for me. I just paid attention and answered the calling.
I’m getting chills and freezing now. You and I are in the business of not on our watch where women play small, moms suffer and talented people that can change the world will play small because you and I play big. I’m Argentinian from an Austrian mom, which is a challenge because I’m bold and loud. My mother is very subdued and quiet with an American New England husband. It’s a combination but I love it.
I would suggest you pause and read all of Luly’s I ams. I know they float out of you but that’s a result of years of intentional work on herself. You say overnight success. There’s no such thing as overnight success. The I ams she said are years of intentionally I am in herself into manifesting the most beautiful, powerful, and strong leader that she has become to her community. I’m so honored to witness you.
Sharing Your Gifts: Everyone is born with gifts, and those gifts come in the form of talents, skills, and abilities. It is your duty and responsibility to share them with the world.
Thank you very much. I feel that. Also, that level of clarity is what keeps me going, whether it’s divorcing from a business, losing a home, getting a divorce, losing a loved one, losing your career or job, we have all experienced that sense of loss or the sense of feeling lost. The thing that we get to remember is that everything in life is temporary and to be reminded of that, and then to look for that alignment. I know for me, that’s a big word.
I did a workshop where I was able to come up with my why statement and create my core values based on my top five Gallup’s strengths from Gallup StrengthsFinder. I was so excited that I became certified in teaching the workshop. It was groundbreaking for me. The reason why I shared that is because that is my why statement and my core values have now come back to be my litmus test.
When I get asked even to be on your show, partner with somebody, be on a panel for an event or be hired for something, I get to go back to my why statement and core values, and ask myself the question, even when I’m excited about it or maybe I’m not even excited about it because I’m scared, nervous or there is shame around it. I always come back to that why statement and I will say, «Is this in alignment with who I am and what I was meant to do?» If the answer is a resounding yes, then we make it happen, whether we are scared or not.
As far as the dog times, we have mentioned that a few times in this show. They are bridges. The saying goes, «If you are going through hell, keep on moving forward.» Keep on going until you see the light because who we become as we go through the mountain or around it is priceless.
One thousand percent, which is why I’m reiterating it because I don’t know that a lot of people are willing to have those conversations. My number one strength is positivity.
Mine is wooed and I suspect that you are a woo too but maybe not.
I’m a positivity, achiever, communication, woo and arranger.
I’m woo, activator, strategic, connectedness and visionary.
Those strengths it’s like playing to that. I am that glass half-full. One of my clients says I’m the queen of perspective and I do. The reason why I’m focusing so much on the darkness also is because I understand that a lot of people are in the space of not knowing, which has always been the case but COVID brought that to light. I lost my father, hero and first love. It was partly because of COVID.
The journey that even that I went on of allowing myself to be okay to not be okay, be sad, and lean into support, that journey did start. My divorce did prepare me for the loss of my father of being able to experience peace and grace among so much excruciating pain because we are always in training for something bigger. Whenever I’m going through a struggle, I always say, «This is going to be a great story.» Not to make light of it but it’s like the Hero’s Journey, «This is going to be a good one. Something big is coming.»
Allow yourself to be okay with not being okay.
As we wrap up, I like to ask you two questions. One is, what is a book, podcast or Netflix series that we must check out?
I love Brené Brown. I feel like Brené Brown is for everybody, whether you are an entrepreneur, a business owner, still in college, have a PhD or in any phase of life, Brené Brown is absolutely phenomenal. A great way to start with her is her Netflix. It’s a quick program. It’s probably considered a documentary. It’s a talk and lecture. It’s so extremely powerful about courage and vulnerability.
She has a slew of amazing books. My recommendation is always to watch that, and then go onto her website and look at the book that speaks to you. What I appreciate about her is that she researches. Not only is she talking about these things but she has the data to back up the stuff that she is talking about. If I had to only choose one, it would be Brené Brown.
Go check out her friend, Brené. Clarity is important but action is critical. As we say goodbye, what is one action that you can invite our readers to take as a result of this episode?
One action that I would love for you to take as soon as this episode is over is to write yourself a letter. Write yourself a letter as if you were writing to your best friend. Think about all the things that you say to your best friend, the way that maybe you admire him or her, what you appreciate about them and the things that make you proud of them.
Sharing Your Gifts: Balance is Bull$h!t: How Being a Mom, Wife and Entrepreneur Taught Me That Balance is a Myth
For some of you, you may have to write this because it’s to yourself in you so in the second person. «Dear Luly, I acknowledge you for everything you have been through and continue to show up with courage and compassion for others. I love how you are sharing your story vulnerably and how you keep doing that thing.» Write that letter and then seal it. Keep it in your drawer for 30 days. Set some reminders. Maybe it’s a calendar reminder or a reminder on your phone, and then mail it to yourself in 30 days.
I love that because, at the end of the day, we are our own best friends. If we don’t choose ourselves first, how will people choose us?
So much clarity can come from taking that action as well.
Where can people find you? Any parting thoughts?
Where you can find me is my website, LulyB.com. I was hacked. Now, I’m focusing on rebuilding Instagram. I have a little bit of Facebook presence but again, clarity. I’m focusing on one thing because it demolished a lot of things when I was hacked. Now, it’s on Instagram and it’s @ThatLulyB. I’m great about checking DMs. I love following back the community. I also have an opportunity for you to schedule a quick chat with me. If you need to bounce ideas, have a question, want to chat, maybe there’s a business opportunity to get to know each other or want to say hi, we can also schedule a chat. That’s on the Follow Luly B on my Instagram as well.
Go check Luly B out. Thank you, Luly, for sharing you, coming, showing up as beautiful as you are and sharing the journey. At the end of the day, we want our readers to understand that wherever they are, they are on the right path. Keep honoring your purpose and keep them moving forward.
It’s definitely not a straight line. That’s right. Thank you so much for having me.
You are very welcome. Thank you so much.
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I had the most amazing conversation with Luly. Was it amazing because it was all about the great things in her life? Actually, no. A lot of the conversation was around the struggles that she has had in her life in the last few years. Even though painful and you don’t wish them, not even in your worst enemy, those are the struggles that had led her to the growth that she is experiencing now.
We talked about her life as a businesswoman, her divorce, and the stress of becoming the main breadwinner as a single mom. We also talked about the loss during COVID. She lost her father to COVID. It’s a very rich conversation with a lot of honesty around what is real as women business owners and what do we have to hang on to and overcome to reach our goals.
One of the things that Luly suggests and you should try this, is to write a letter to yourself as if you were your best friend. Go ahead, write that letter, sit on it for 30 days, put it in an envelope, seal it, and then mail it back to you. You can read it because that’s a gift that you are going to give yourself as if you were talking to your best friend, which is if we are not our own best friends, who are we? Make sure you check out this episode. It was a great one. I can’t wait to read your comments and see your thoughts around clarity and building a business while maybe sometimes not having life work as planned. Have a great day.
Important Links:
- Balance is Bull$h!t
- BOOST Community
- LulyB.com
- Meet Luly B
- Masters in Clarity
- @ThatLulyB –Instagram
- Luly B Carreras – LinkedIn
- Follow Luly B – Schedule chat
About Luly B. Carreras
A believer that everyone was born with a responsibility to share their gifts with this world, Luly B. empowers women and business owners to share their talents and abilities so they experience joy. She is a family-first speaker, trainer, consultant and author of Amazon’s best-seller “Balance is Bull$h!t.” By sharing her own expertise, challenges and experiences, Luly empowers women to create the lives and businesses they desire through inspirational events, personalized coaching, workshops and mastermind groups. She is a faculty member of the Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Businesses Program at Babson College and Miami Dade College. Her message of leadership, empowerment, purpose and empathy has reached thousands of women and clients including Macy’s, GE, Marriott, Procter & Gamble and Dell. If you have a ton of ideas, feel like you’re all over the place, or ready for a tribe of women who climb, Luly is your girl to support you in making it happen!
In a life that is often filled with unnecessary things, how can we create space for the most important things for us? Dolores Hirschmann talks with Tony Martignetti, the CEO of Inspired Purpose Coaching and the author of Climbing The Right Mountain: Navigating the Journey to An Inspired Life, about filling your days with things that would serve you and make you proud so that you could create the future you desire. Tony shares valuable insights about having the courage to create hard but meaningful conversations to understand ourselves more and be better. Tune in to this episode and delve into finding the right path and setting the course for a life of fulfillment you deserve.
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Watch the episode here:
Listen to the podcast here:
Climbing The Right Mountain: The Journey To An Inspired Life With Tony Martignetti
I am so excited to bring Tony as a guest. I’ve known Tony for a few years. I love his message about climbing the right mountain. Tony Martignetti is the Chief Inspiration Officer of Inspired Purpose Coaching, where he brings together practical experiences, formal training, and extreme curiosity to elevate leaders and equip them with the tools to navigate through change and unlock their true potential. I’m curious to ask Tony because I know a little bit about his story. I’ve known him for a few years. One of the things I know is that one day he found himself at the top of the wrong mountain. I want to ask him, what does it mean? What does that look like? The most important question is, how do you recover from that? I know the work that he’s doing now is impacting millions of people through the leaders that he’s guiding. I know he himself, as a fast-growing professional leader, has had to go back to basics and explore what he wanted to rebuild his career in the right path, climbing the right mountain. Make time, take notes and read my conversation with Tony. You’re going to love it.
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I’m so excited, Tony, to deep dive into this conversation. Let’s get started. Tell me your clouded journey or your confusion journey. What got you here? I know clarity is what we seek, and it’s not always what we get.
It’s funny that you say that because it started with my trials and tribulations through my journey in the corporate world. I learned a lot about the world through my emotional experience of being this ambitious leader. I was very driven and eventually, I experienced depression and burnout. I can smile now about it, but the reality is there were some dark days that I went through. What I found was as I was in those dark periods, I found my way out. I slowly but surely realize what my purpose was through that period of finding ways to cope with that darkness.
Step away from all negativity and create space for the things that are going to serve you.
Let me pause you there because there’s a little detail there. In many of these conversations, you go through the hero’s journey. I went through darkness and I came out, and then we’re going to tell a great story of what’s happening now that you’re in the light. For that person reading this right now, who’s in the dark, all they need to know, they don’t want to know the end of the story yet. What they know is what is that minute, that thing, it could be a book, a person, a moment that shifted from full darkness to gray. I don’t believe that you went from dark to light. You went to gray like a cloudy day.
I’m glad you say that because it’s so true. When you’re in that dark place, what you need is one glimmer of hope. You’ve got to hold onto hope. Part of it is realizing that giving up is the easy way out in some ways. I don’t mean to say that to diminish the feeling of what that looks like, but I had hope. I said, “I’m going to what I need for my family. I need to provide for them. I need to be there for my son. I want to see what he’s going to turn out to be and how he can thrive in this world. Holding onto the hope of what’s possible for him was what got me out of that moment of darkness.
I started to see what I need. What’s one small step I needed to take to move out of this place of real struggle? The first step was I started looking at gurus and the self-help books and reading tons of books about what life means? The answers weren’t all there. It was just a starting point. Meditation was another thing I started to do a lot of. At first, I was a naysayer. I was like, “Meditation is not going to solve my problems,” but I found that every little bit helped. It still wasn’t completely clear, but it helped.
Fulfillment: It’s so easy to fill your calendar with things that don’t serve you. Focus on filling it with things that will move you towards a meaningful goal.
Let me break it down because I think, Tony, of anything we can talk about, and there’s a lot we’re going to go deep into, I have chills in this because every speaking moment, people are sharing the joy of being on top of the mountain. I’m using that intentionally. There was a little shift that you went from looking into looking around. You went from looking into how you were in your darkness to looking around at your son and allowed curiosity to come in. The curiosity was very clear. I want to know how this boy turns out. I want to know what my baby boy turns into. What I understood is that was what began the shift. You didn’t want to not know what you had created.
I love that you bring that up because there’s this element of shifting my focus from the being on the inside and struggling with that inner turmoil to shifting outside and seeing what’s on the outside that is lighting me up, that’s providing that environment that could create a positive influence for me. What could I be curious and learn about the outside world that could bring something back into me that would help me to shift?
I love your story of you were very clear what you wanted and to realize that wasn’t what you wanted. You were clear you wanted to do to hike that tall mountain of success, get that title, get that promotion, that paycheck, that bonus, only to find when you had all of that, you were looking down at the wrong mountain. Let’s talk about a mountain. What does that mean to you?
It’s always a good time to reconnect and have those conversations that have been missing in your life.
Obviously, it means a lot to me because I, first of all, love mountains. I always have been an adventure seeker throughout my life. I’ve enjoyed climbing mountains throughout my entire life. One of the things that I have experienced is climbing the corporate life that I had was constantly struggling to get to that place where I could feel like I was on top. What I realized is when I got to this place of feeling like I had all those external feelings of reward, I didn’t feel good inside. I didn’t feel like I had accomplished what I wanted internally. That’s where that darkness came from is this feeling of like, “Yeah, I don’t feel like who I’m supposed to be.» Even though externally, I might be seen as a success or as someone who’s accomplished a lot of great things, ultimately, I felt empty.
Fast forward many years, what does the mountain mean in your work now? I know there’s something exciting that happened. Can we talk about it?
First of all, in terms of the mountain itself, what I learned is that it’s how you climb and how you set the path for what you want ultimately in life that changes who you become. That’s important. The big news is that here we are and I have this amazing news to announce. I launched my book called Climbing the Right Mountain: Navigating the Journey to An Inspired Life, which I’m excited about. This has been a year in the making. It’s been a powerful catalyst for me to understanding the story that I had inside of me about my own journey, but I also wanted to share it so that people can understand their own way to navigate their path and see that there’s a different way to look at it. That’s what is important for me when I think about the mountain.
Fulfillment: Move towards the future you want to create. Start by looking backward and taking an inventory of all the things that you’ve created in the past to know fully who’s showing up at the door.
Let’s talk about this climbing the mountain and let’s now shift to your work. Your book says a lot about it, and anybody reading this, you should check it out, Tony Martignetti in Amazon, Climbing the Right Mountain. It is focused on the problem that we’re facing as a society now. It’s this hunger and drive of going for more, only to find yourself at the top of a mountain. You never wanted to climb because where you found yourself in your mountain back then when you were in darkness, Tony, you found yourself at the top of loneliness mountain, the «I’m not a healthy mountain.» You also found yourself on top of, «I’m making a lot of money mountain with a lot of responsibility, but I’m not sleeping» mountain. Talk to me about how you guide leaders. It’s not about changing the world outside of you because it’s easy to quit the job or divorce your partner, but you’re going to perpetuate the problem if you don’t do the self-exploration of being your own guide through your right mountain. Talk to us about the work you do helping leaders.
I love that you say that there’s an inner landscape that needs to be reshaped before a leader can create the life that they want. I often talk about it being how your being and who do you want to be, but the reality is it’s important to understand who do I want to be in the world? Not, What title do I want to have? We talk about these external markers of success, being the CEO or the owner of a company, that’s all fine and great. It’s not about cutting those ambitions down. It’s doing it for the right reasons and setting a course of who you want to be first before you start to set up those markers of the title and all the things that come along with that. Those things will come, but only when you set the course on who you want to be.
Let’s talk very specifically because here’s what I want. I want anyone reading this to clearly understand if you can help them. What are people experiencing before they pick up the phone and schedule a consultation with you?
Giving up is the easy way out in some ways.
A lot of people coming to me are coming from a place of being accomplished. Sometimes they don’t know how accomplished they are. They’re living in this life that they’ve built themselves and discount their accomplishments. They show up and they feel like, “Life’s not what I expected. I feel a little bit stuck. I don’t know what to do next or how to create that next move for me that’s going to create a more fulfilling life for me. I want to create a more meaningful impact. Ultimately, I need someone to help me see more clearly.” One of the things that I often hear them say is I don’t know if it’s, “I need to do something in order to leave my job, or if it’s something where I need to think differently about my job,» and what I’ll do is I’ll get them to think differently by stepping away.
I often use the analogy of expanding your vision, narrow your focus because we’re all looking at this pattern that we’ve been stuck in. We’re looking at this wall, and we need to step away and look at it like, “What else is possible for me? What am I missing in my day-to-day life?” These past few years, we’ve been stuck in this rinse, wash and repeat. That’s the pattern I’m in. I need to step away and see what else is possible for me. When I do see the options available to me, I then need to get clarity on narrowing that focus and seeing what I can execute to create that next action that’s going to move me into the place where I need to be.
That person coming in and saying, “There’s nothing wrong in my life, but I’m empty.” Everything’s all I ever wanted but I’m bored. Most clients or prospect clients can’t even acknowledge that they’re bored. If you look at their calendar and their schedule, they don’t have time to be bored. This idea of bored means that you are not busy, but you can be bored and busy.
Fulfillment: If you’re not able to make space for things that are going to create more meaning in your life, then you’ve got bigger problems that you might need to deal with.
Bored and busy is a big conundrum. It’s something that is more common than people think. It’s so easy to fill your calendar with things that don’t serve you. You feel as though, «Where did my week go? What did I do this past week that lit me up and moved me towards a goal that is meaningful to me?» That’s where you start to get into that rut, pattern that is not serving you. Stepping away from that pattern is what’s important and saying, “What about last week am I proud of? What about next week am I excited about?” If you can’t answer those questions with a good, clear answer, then you may be in a place where you need to start thinking differently about the work you’re doing.
Let’s say that I’m feeling that. I come to you and hop on a free consultation. Before that, I get your book. One of the things we do at Masters In Clarity is I share my book with anybody that’s coming in for a consultation. I mail it as a gift. They come into a consultation knowing about our work. Let’s say that I’ve got a gift of your book, and I’m hopping on a consultation with you and I’m sharing how I’m bored, which doesn’t make any sense. If you look at my calendar, I don’t even have time to brush my teeth. You say, “We’re going to work together.” I say, “I have no time to work with you because if you look at my calendar, you would throw up.» How do you help me if I can barely make time to hop on a consultation with you?
There are many people who feel that way. Ultimately, it comes down to what is important? What are the priorities in your life? How can you create space for the things that are most meaningful to you? If you’re not able to make space for things that are going to create more meaning in your life and if that means working with a coach, other people who are going to help you to move and amplify your impact forward, then you’ve got bigger problems that you might need to be dealing with. Those priorities are so important to make clear. One of the first steps you’ve got to do is question yourself, “Is my calendar and the way it’s designed serving me? How can I step away from all of that and create space for the things that are going to serve me?”
Discover things that are meant for you, those things you haven’t taken the time to look at because you’re busy living your life.
I say, “Yes, I’m going to make time in my calendar for the things that are going to serve me.” What happens next in our journey of working with Tony?
What we’ll do is we’ll spend time understanding what it is that you value. What are the things that you have accomplished in the past? You start to play with time. I think of myself as one of these time-traveling anthropologists. I want to understand people, but I want to understand it from the perspective of where you’re coming from, where you are going to, and then what can you do right now to take action to move towards that future you want to create? It starts by looking backward, taking an inventory of all the things that you’ve created in the past to know fully who’s showing up at the door. That’s not just about me discovering it for you, but it’s you discovering it for you. You haven’t taken the time to look at because you’re living your life.
Let’s talk about what you are most proud of. You’ve accomplished so much since that day at the top of the dark mountain.
Fulfillment: Inspiration comes from courageous and honest conversations.
If I were to say the things that I’m most proud of, first of all, being able to have a family that I love and be able to support them and create a life that we can create together. I’m very proud of that. I’m proud of the fact that I was able to move past my darkest moment and move out of that dark moment into a place where I could see the light. You asked for one moment, but I’ll say a couple of moments. I’m proud I took the leap into creating a business that serves people, sees people in a way that can help them to uncover what’s truly hiding and to amplify their impact in a way that helps them to create a life that’s meaningful for them.
Looking forward, what are you most excited about in 2022?
First of all, I’m excited about the book being out. I’m looking forward to hearing what it does for people. I’m looking forward to hearing back from the people who read it, hearing what people think and then seeing what dialogue it opens up from there. I’m also looking forward to starting my next book. That’s the next thing I’m on to. My next book will be something called Campfire Lessons. It’s going to be coming from all the lessons I’ve learned through the work I’ve done with my podcast, which is called The Virtual Campfire. The last thing I’ll mention is that I’m excited about creating group programs to bring together different leaders from different industries to create an opportunity for them to amplify their impact together. It’s so powerful when you bring people together who are up to big things in the world, and you create a space for them to connect and help them raise their boats together.
It’s June 16th, 2030. What are you celebrating? What impact are you having?
I’m celebrating being here and able to say that I’ve survived my darkest days to this point. I’m celebrating the fact that I’ve been able to work with amazing people. Even if it was the slightest impact on their lives, that to me is what I’m celebrating is being able to be a part of their lives. I think that’s something that fuels me every day. My inspiration is being inspired by the people who inspire me.
First of all, a question that we ask all our readers, what is one book? I know we must not miss Climbing The Right Mountain, but short of that book, what is one book we should all tap into or resource or podcast series?
By far, this is one I’ve mentioned maybe 1,000 times is The Art of Possibility by Benjamin and Rosamund Zander. It’s a book that I read because I met Benjamin Zander. He spoke at a group I was with. He was a fascinating character, full of life and interesting stories. The book itself is one that inspired me to think there are so many ways to look at life. If you change the way you look at the world, you can create so many new possibilities. I can’t nearly summarize all of the great insights in the book because he gives you tools and different ways to think about how to create those possibilities. One of them is that how he looks at giving everyone an A. You start with an A and allow people to come from that place of having an A from the beginning and then allow them to build up to that A. It’s amazing.
I love that because basically every person that comes to your world, you receive them from a place of this human being is amazing, which for many of us who’ve been hurt, however old you are, you could be fifteen, it’s probably easy to say that you’ve been disappointed by at least one person. It’s a human experience. I am definitely going to pick it up. This idea of it doesn’t matter what filters we have, allowing people to walk in with an A, and be vulnerable to the opportunity of an amazing human being. It sets the relationship up for success.
It’s been something that I didn’t notice about myself. This is what I do in my work is that I didn’t know this about myself, but I realized after digging into my own understanding of who I am is that I see the beauty in people that they don’t see in themselves. I think when you start with that feeling of, “You’ve got a beauty. Let’s uncover that. Let’s see what it is.” Don’t see your flaws as something that you should hide. Maybe those flaws are something that are meant to be there. There’s a reason for it.
Mr. Tony, where can people find you?
The best place to find me is my website, InspiredPurposeCoach.com. If you go there, you’ll find all types of fun stuff. The other place you can find me is on LinkedIn. It’s probably the best social media spot for me. Other than that, I’m everywhere.
You should check out his podcast, Virtual Campfire. It’s very well done. You’ve been at it for a while. You’ve recorded a lot of episodes. It’s a whole vault of amazing conversations in there. Any parting words, Tony, that you want to share with our audience?
It’s always a good time to reconnect and have those conversations that have been missing in your life. One of my key taglines is that inspiration comes through honest conversation, and I’ll even take it one step further. Inspiration comes from courageous conversations too. Those conversations you’re nervous to have, find the courage because it’s worth it.
Thank you, Tony, for joining us.
Thank you.
Important Links:
- Tony Martignetti – LinkedIn
- Tony Martignetti – Twitter
- Tony Martignetti – Facebook
- Tony Martignetti – Instagram
- Tony Martignetti – Linktree
- Inspired Purpose Coaching
- Climbing the Right Mountain: Navigating the Journey to An Inspired Life
- The Virtual Campfire Podcast
- The Art of Possibility
About Tony Martignetti
Tony is the Chief Inspiration Officer of Inspired Purpose Coaching where he brings together practical experience, formal training, and extreme curiosity, to elevate leaders and equip them with the tools to navigate through change and unlock their true potential.
Before becoming a leadership development advisor, he was a finance and strategy executive with experience working with some of the world’s leading life sciences companies. Along his journey, he also managed small businesses and ran a financial consulting company.
Tony is the host of The Virtual Campfire podcast and the author of, «Climbing the Right Mountain: Navigating the Journey to An Inspired Life.»
People try to find answers from so many different places when in reality, the answer is already within us. The key is learning how to find it. In this episode, Dolores Hirschmann chats with Life Designer® and the Founder of Empowered Living, a Life Design Coaching and Personal Development Training company, Julie Reisler. With her company, Julie has helped and inspired many to grow by truly connecting with their inner voice. She believes that we all have an inner intelligence ready to guide us as our birthright if we only know how to listen. Tune in to this episode as she shares meaningful advice on how you can find clarity by facing yourself and listening to your body.
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Watch the episode here
Listen to the podcast here:
Listening To Your Body: Finding Clarity From Within With Julie Reisler
I am so excited for my conversation with Julie Reisler. Julie is a Life Designer, multi-time TEDx Speaker, TV and Podcast Host, and Global Brand Ambassador. She coaches entrepreneurs and facilitates workshops and masterminds to help participants increase engagement and confidence to take their career and life to the next level. I’ve known Julie for a few years and I think we met because she interviewed me in her podcast. Since then, we’ve been exchanging tips and messages, and she and I worked together for a little while.
What I love about Julie is that she is in constant curiosity around what it makes to live a full, fulfilled life. What I want to ask her is what are some of the things we could do to tap in so that we can live that full life. If you don’t know much above Julie, you don’t want to miss this conversation because I want to extract from her head some tactical and tangible advice on tapping into our intuition so that we can grow bigger.
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Welcome to an amazing clarity conversation. I am so excited to introduce you to Julie Reisler. Julie, it’s so good to see you.
Thank you so much. I’m so excited and grateful to be here.
You and I have known each other for a while. We’ve even worked together. It’s been such a pleasure to be in your energy. You have so much clarity. You are intentional about how you spend your time. Was it always this way?
Certainly, it was not always this way and to go right to the deep end of the pool here. There’s always been this inner question before starting my own business of what am I here to do and how am I going to express this? The clarity has emerged. It’s the Lotus flower. The Lotus comes from mud. I had a lot of mud and muck. We all, as humans, if we’re conscious and aware and working on our stuff, there’s mud. There’s that dark stuff that at the time much of it I did not know what was going to come out of it, but I’m grateful now because so much of those challenges, that mud has helped me to live into this Lotus flower, which it’s not like there isn’t more mud going on, but I know how to do this now because I’ve done it a few times and I have a few lotuses. For me, that clarity has come out of a lack of clarity.
You say, I now know how to do this, so how do we do this? How do we get into the mud? I can only assume that it’s not about stepping over the mud to get to that Lotus space. How do we get dirty?
I’ll share with you without bringing in all these different assessments and things, but for those who know the Enneagram, I’m a seven. My top strength is positivity and I don’t like the mud. I wish I were a gardener. My husband is. I’m not someone who likes to get her hands dirty. I do in the work world. Getting in the mud was not a place I wanted to be. This being comfortable looking at what’s going on years ago. For me, I share very honestly and in the TED talks I’ve done, I talk about I struggled with food addiction and it was a way to close off to feelings in any kind of mud. The way I dealt with it was to eat, use sugar, and avoid.
I’m going to share with everyone that does not work. Denial and pushing things down, we all have some addiction to something to get us out of the moment. For me, it was getting very clear that I needed support and that started this whole way of being, which was, “I am not going to not look at the mud, pretend it’s not there, and walk around it. I’m going to go in it, be with it, and look at what is going on.” What are the beliefs? What are the stories? What have I been telling myself? That was the origination of a lot of deep work that continues now. However, that deep work led to more stuff coming up and more deep work that eventually led to a lot of clarity for me. A big piece of learning how to do that, the first thing, is not pretending it’s not there, denying it and blocking it. If you are doing that, be kind to yourself. It’s a safety mechanism. We do it to stay safe. It’s not something to judge yourself on. We’re human and most of us don’t want to feel pain or mud.
This is a fascinating conversation because, as you said, “I was floating over the mud, nice and clean for a long time until I had the courage, the support, or a combination of it to say, ‘This is not working. I need to go into the mud.’” From that day on, you are comfortable getting into the mud consistently. It’s not that you never go back in, but in some ways, this journey is a juxtaposition of the concept of freedom and the real feeling of freedom.
First of all, in a world where there’s black and white, tall and short, there’s no such thing as joy without pain. Not feeling is not feeling neither the good or bad. We’re shifting more into the work that you do now. Have you ever encountered a situation where someone comes in and works with you because they say I have no feelings? I’m not feeling any of it. If you look at my life, everything is perfect. I am beautiful. My children, husband, and business are beautiful and I can’t feel any of it.
Finding Clarity: Denial and pushing things down does not work. We all have some sort of addiction to something to get us out of the moment.
It might appear a little different usually. What I have heard is, “This is upsetting because there’s nothing wrong. Everything looks great.” I felt that before, like things look great on the outside. First of all, note to everyone reading that does not mean that’s how you feel on the inside. I’m a big fan. I love Glennon Doyle and her book Untamed. I remember she said it so well. I’ve heard it in different ways, but she talks about feelings and emotions. It’s like thinking of them as Amazon packages. You’re going to get the package at the door. We want to receive the emotion. Receive it and know that’s a gift. It’s like what you said. If I’m avoiding the mud, darkness, sadness, grief, or whatever it is I’m feeling, then I’m also going to be less able to receive the feelings of joy. Your spectrum becomes very small.
What happens is life becomes very gray. It feels gray. We live in a planet world that has duality. I was listening to something about this. You feel intense joy, and connection. There have got to be moments where you don’t feel that to get what that is and it’s an important piece of being a human of emotions on the spectrum. I had someone and we worked on being okay with and learning how to be with your feelings, those emotions, and the mud, especially for those like me who are like, “No, thanks. I’d like to go to joy, please. I’ll take joy.”
What is a process? I’m understanding and hearing you. It’s almost this concept of becoming fully alive with all of that means. What does that journey look like?
I’m coming from a bunch of different ways of doing this and I can share what’s worked for me and what I help others with, but I came through support systems. There’s therapy, coaching, twelve steps, and then inner child work. You can look at all these different aspects. The real thing is you’ve got to first be aware and honor that it’s there. I look at it as a little flare. If you had a little flare or your tire had an issue and you’d stop, it’s here to send a message. It’s a messenger. It’s being aware of it. Personally, at this point, I like to dialogue with that aspect of myself. I like to first say something to myself like, “Whatever it is you feel is okay and I will not abandon you. I am here with you.”
I did a lot of abandoning myself and I think there’s a correlation between that and auto-immune conditions. That’s a whole different conversation. I have my own research on myself and the people I’ve worked with. I first create that container of compassion and non-judgment, which is not always easy and I welcome it like, “I feel this. I’m with you. I am not going to abandon you. Let’s look at it.” I often will do this. It helps me to get out a journal. I like pens to paper. There’s something very different than typing. I write out, trigger, what are you feeling? I ask what might be going on and what might this be about? I keep asking. What might be under that? What do I need to heal? I ask these questions, usually very simple. What is the trigger? What might this be about? What do I need to learn? What do I need to know? How can I soothe myself or how can I heal? It’s amazing what comes out when I do that.
There are times I haven’t been sure of what I feel. I feel off. Frankly, I’m going to name it. A lot of us, especially those entrepreneurs or wanting to be, you look on social media and you can have a major feeling like crappy about yourself because you see someone who landed the dream client and is sharing about it. It’s a perfect picture if I’m not grounded in me or even when I am grounded. Sometimes, it still feels like, “I could’ve done more. I feel like maybe I did something wrong or envious,” or all those feelings. They come up, less so the more that I stay grounded and connected in my lane, but they come up. What I’m learning to do and I teach this and try to help others. I would say I think we have to look at it because otherwise, those emotions live in our body. I don’t want to be holding onto them in my cells in my emotional body.
Journaling helps me. I don’t always know what I feel, to be honest. My first instinct, honestly, is to get a chocolate bar. I’ve learned when I hear that, I don’t do that because it doesn’t work for my body and that becomes an addictive cycle. “I want chocolate bars. Something is up. What’s up? I’m here. I’m with you. I’m compassionate. Whatever you feel, I will not abandon you. I’m listening.” I go write about it often or I’ll find someone to verbalize it, and then I get clarity like, “I feel not good enough. Worthiness. That’s what we’re dealing with.”
We can work with that. That’s the beauty of the curious journey or the inquiry. Masters in Clarity is our company and we work with people who come to us for clarity. The truth is what my job at Masters in Clarity is to turn everybody into masters of their own clarity. It’s not about us becoming masters of people’s clarity because what I’m hearing for you is your internal, personal inquiry will reveal what is going on and will also reveal the action or the non-action that needs to be taken.
Talk to me about your journey of how did you become this expert. Many of the things that your clients accomplish are they connect with themselves, develop their intuition, and begin living within their own physical, mental, and emotional space with less addiction to the outside world. When I say addiction, it could be someone else deciding for me, perfection, or workaholic. There are so many. Some of them look good on the outside but it still makes you dependent on something else.
I’ll say that’s my internal process but I always have a coach that I work with. I have someone I work with and I’ve been doing that for years that I’ve been coaching. It’s important and helpful to have someone else as well, but I do think we all have that ability. For me, it’s super interesting. I’ll try to make this succinct because it’s a journey. I was a Psych Major. I didn’t want to become a therapist, although I have high respect for therapists and that whole world. I was in an intensive personal development program. There was a lot of transformation that I then was asked the coach. This was years ago and I fell in love with it. I sold my daytime job. I was going through a major transition in my life and getting consciously uncoupled, divorcing, and I had two kids under the age of 2 or 3 at the time. It was an intense time. I started coaching for this program and I was like, “Whatever this is, I’m here to do this.”
It was interesting. This is before coaching became what it was. It went back while I was in my full-time day job, single mom, went back and got my Master’s Degree. I’m very lucky. It was a beautiful university in health and wellness coaching, but with an integrative approach. I started and had classes on mind and body science, brain, and all of these things. I was learning experientially and then had my own health breakdown because I was pushing myself. I saw when you push too hard, it affected my body. When I abandoned myself all those years, it affected my body. I started living what I was learning.
If you knew your life would be fantastic and powerful either way, what decision would you make?
I was like, “I am an experiential learner.” I was applying what I was learning in my degree and then using the work, helping others, and fell in love with this work. I left a somewhat cushy day job as a single mom to start my business because the coach I worked with, that first coach changed my life. He asked one question that totally changed the way I looked at my whole life. I’m talking people that have these light bulb moments. I can remember I was like, “What just happened?” It gave me the courage to listen to my inner voice.
From there, teaching it at Georgetown coaching others, this work is the ticket to sovereignty and freedom. That’s why we say we can’t have enough coaches. Our world is asking for this work. It comes from a place of appreciative inquiry of unlocking your own inner wisdom. It’s very empowering model. I have someone who’s always working with me, and in terms of clarity, I don’t know a better way to get to clarity than through this type of work, which is coaching.
What was that question that changed your life?
We all have this gift of intuition and of inner knowing. I have it pretty intensely. I blocked that as well and I had the sense with the person I’d married, a wonderful person but not the best fit, and I’d push that down for a long time. I was married quite a while. I did not know what to do and I was struggling. This coach wanted me to coach his program and he said, “We first need to look at what’s happening at home. Julie, let me ask you this,” because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to ruin my family’s life. He said, “If you knew your life would be fantastic and powerful, either way, what decision would you make? Would you stay married or would you get divorced?”
I had never contemplated. It sounds so silly but I had thought like, “I’m trapped and doomed. Either way, it’s going to be awful.” It was like, “Would my life can be great?” I knew in that second, it wasn’t even a question, I said, “I don’t want to stay married to him. It’s not right for me.” He said, “Go do that.” I said, “I’m going to do that.” We decided I’m going to do that graciously, kindly with love, and it was powerful to create and design that uncoupling with that type of empowerment.
It brings back to your core identity as a life designer. Disruptive doesn’t have to be aggressive. It doesn’t have to have a hedge hammer or whatever you call that. Design is intentional and is aligned. What I’m hearing is that sometimes we have a choice that we’re not allowing ourselves to make and because we are surrounding that option as a dangerous zone. Let’s see what we can make the best on this zone but that’s not even negotiable. That’s the core of a life designed to align with who you are and your intuition. It’s having the courage to have everything be able to put on the table and with no fear.
I would say this. It’s funny. I had a little fear but it was not overpowering the deep knowing, conviction, clarity, or commitment. It’s great to say that and remember because I’ve been able to lean into that again. I know what it’s like to shift something completely. For some reading, it hopefully might be but probably won’t be necessarily a divorce. It might be starting a business, writing a book, or whatever it is. To me, it comes back to really trusting that you have an inner intelligence and guidance that is always for your highest good, those around you, and here to serve. When I tune into that, I trust that and take inspired action, not action but inspired action, that leads to the type of outcome I’ve seen over and over again that it’s better than what I could imagine. It doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’m going to be honest. That was not easy to go through that divorce experience. It wasn’t easy with the health situation that I’ve been in or to start a new business out of nothing. Yet the clarity was so anchored in that the fear, whatever it was, it was like, “I see your fear. You’re going to be there. You’re not driving this thing. I’m not letting you drive it.”
We’ve been talking about clarity and getting the clarity we need to make a decision or take an action. How does that dynamic work for you right now? Do you have any tools or tips, whether it’s muscle testing or something? For anybody who’s reading who needs to make a decision, how much clarity do you need to make a decision?
I have learned for myself and many people that I’ve worked with that we have this tuning fork. I’m starting to understand how intelligent it is and how much information it has. What I have learned is that if a decision is not a full body, and I mean a full yes, then I pause and I wait. I don’t take action until I get that resounding yes. That’s taken a while to do. A great way to see or feel into what is that yes for you is, number one, start noticing when it is a yes. How does that feel in your body? What are you feeling and what are you saying to yourself? What does it feel like when it’s a maybe and a no? Start to get to know the yes and the no.
A very simple practice that I know works for me and I’ve seen work with many others is simply, when there’s a decision, do you lean in or are you leaning back? When you lean in physically. Criminal psychology knows this. Your body doesn’t lie, never lies, and cannot lie. I stay tuned into it because sometimes, if you don’t know, just feel it. Are you leaning forward, slowing down, nodding your head, pulling back like I don’t want to be part of this? Watch your body language. Truly, it’s going to tell you oftentimes. The other thing to do is I always give myself the 24-hour rule, especially a bigger decision. I pause and wait for some inspiration about it. I will write about it but I don’t make a decision anymore. We want to be aligned and that clarity of yes. Otherwise, where you’re creating from is not going to be fully aligned. It’s what I’ve seen for me.
When I’m in a meeting, on stage, or in a space where my creativity is being activated, I shake. My body shakes. Nobody can see that. I could be in an hour-long meeting when most of the time, my body is at a level of high vibration and literally shakes. I freeze for the whole hour.
Finding Clarity: If you’re avoiding the darkness, sadness, and grief, you’re also going to be less able to receive feelings of joy.
That’s the thing. You’ve noticed that. You got to first notice what you do. I have a thing where I lean in and I have a sound that I make. I’m very tonal. You have shaking like your body is telling you. It’s the higher frequency. There are all these clues. We got to pay attention. To me, why I love this is because everyone has it. You don’t have to pay for it. You got it for free. It’s part of your birthright. We all got it, but we’re all different. Everybody is different. Every sense of inner wisdom is different, so it’s worth it. It’s worth the time to start seeing, “How do I respond?”
What are you excited about in 2021 or in the near future? What are you working on?
I’ve fallen in love with this. What’s emerged from this pandemic time is my coaching certification program. I’ve taught at Georgetown for a while and at my university, I was teaching there as well. I got to take all of the experience with coaching and then add in the body wisdom and intuition. I call it the art and science and integrative healing aspects of coaching, so that’s been fun. I would say what’s on the horizon is I am in the midst of my next book. This whole topic is about overcoming imposter syndrome, doubt, and stepping into your whole self.
I’m working on the book. It’s called Who Does She Think She Is? I’m excited about it. There’s a lot of energy around that. I’m looking to create something very special in 2022. A small, intimate, probably a mastermind for women like an intimate year, a soulful experience of not the business side of running a business but also the energetic side. I haven’t fully created it. I get excited when I think about it and that’s how I feel into it.
That’s exciting. I can’t wait to see that. Let’s talk about where you find your inspiration. Nowadays, this Netflix series is great as well. What is a book, show, or series that is either your go-to or the one that you recommend the most? You mentioned Glennon Doyle.
I have a lot. The one that got this all moving for me was Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It’s an amazing book. I got to do a retreat with her. I love her. She is very genuine and walks her talk. She has Walking in This World as her second book. She’s beautiful and very wise. She’s amazing, anything by her. I still will read and listen to anything by Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay. I wish they were still here alive, but I listen to a lot of them. The other one and I gratefully interviewed him. He was Neale Donald Walsch, who wrote Conversations with God. It’s not religious but it’s very spiritual. It gets into this collective consciousness, unity, oneness, and supporting one another. I love his work.
There are so many others that I listen to. I always have an affinity with The Miracle Morning with Hal Elrod, You Are a Badass and all of those. Barbara Stanny Huson, I love her a Sacred Success. She wrote Rewire for Wealth but she’s a powerful woman who overcame quite a bit to learn how to do her business and life from a place that honors the feminine and the masculine. I could keep going, but there are so many. Those are just a few.
The denominator that I’m hearing and I will check some of these books is about those guides that came before us or with us, but that is creating that container of inner power for outer impact.
I have seen this 100% myself because I’ve done a lot of exploring and digging in the mud, especially being part of the whole twelve-step world. I’ve done a lot of work in that world as well. Looking at everything, the common denominator is always me, you, and ourselves. The trick is not coming from judgment but getting whatever I’m seeing on the outside is a reflection of what’s happening inside. To me, that’s hopeful and exciting news. That’s why this whole life design, we all get to design it. We are doing it consciously or unconsciously in all moments. I’m curious like, “While I’m here hopefully, for a long time more, I would like to see and be part of a humanity planet that is thriving on connection, cooperation, community, unity, love, and joy.” This sounds trite, but if I want that, I’ve got to find that within myself and learn how to be that.
In community and collaboration with my body, mind, and heart, it’s becoming whole first.
It doesn’t mean at all times perfect. Harmony is the word. It’s not about it’s always going to feel that way because then we go back to what we started with, where we live in a world of duality. You’re going to have the mud. You have to have that type of Lotus but being okay with that and honoring it. That has taken me, I’ll be honest, a long time to be able to sit with feelings that don’t feel comfortable. What I’ve found is they pass through. It is worth it to go through. Take it from me. Try not to go around or hop over.
You have an inner intelligence and guidance that is always for your highest good.
You go back to the start. It’s through not around.
The last thing, quickly I’ll say too, the gift of it, most of what I’m doing has come through and is so powerful for me because I’ve been in the mud and I get it. There are gifts oftentimes who we serve and we’re here to help comes from going through it. I wouldn’t change that. I have to remind myself when I’m there. Trust me. That’s why we have people in our lives like you and others that I feel very connected to. We find people that we can make sure we’re getting support, accountability, love, and compassion in that sacred space.
For those reading who might have been introduced to some words in our brief conversation like the word of intuition or the statement of getting into the mud, what is one simple, doable step they could take from reading this blog?
There’s a lot of science behind this and I’m not going to go into it now, but around heart intelligence and heart and brain coherence. This is a thing. Look at HeartMath. They have a ton of information. It’s a very simple place to start. I end and start my day this way. Start by grounding yourself. Put your hand or both hands on your heart. First of all, connect to this organ. No joke. I’m not talking about what it’s doing in terms of pumping blood, which in itself is pretty miraculous, but there are also neurons of intelligence connecting and feeling your heart. Typically, when you do that, you want to think of something that you feel grateful for or appreciative of and bring that into your body.
I would start with even asking your heart and your higher wisdom, “What is an intention for right now? How can I honor myself more right now? What is a message for me?” Something very direct, clear, succinct, small, and notice what you might hear, feel, see, and sense. I’ve done this work. It is unbelievable. It’s very different than what you find in your brain. Start there as a place to ground and be like, “There’s something here.” Most of us know that intuitively anyhow.
To recap, put your hand or both hands on your heart, simply be there, take a breath, and ask, “What is my intention for me right now? What is there for me right now?” Simply just listen. I love that. Ms. Julie, where can people find you?
First of all, thank you. This has been my favorite conversation. The easiest place to probably find me is my website, which is my name, JulieReisler.com. The show is wherever you find shows, but everything is on my website. If anybody is curious to discuss any of this or connect, I love people and connecting.
Julie has been very generous. If you can go to her website, you can download her first book from the website. You’re going to have to wait and be patient for her second book. I love the title, Who Does She Think She Is? That’s going to be a little bit of a rather there.
If you want to get the Lotus, you got to go in the mud. This will be going in.
Julie, thank you so much for making time for this conversation, for bringing this work to all of us here in this world, and helping us get into our mud so that it can come out with our light.
Thank you so much, Dolores. I love what you’re up to. I see the light in you and as I’m looking at my crystal Lotus here. Thank you for being a light as well and all that you’re doing. Thanks for having me.
Finding Clarity: The core of life design is to align with who you are and your intuition and having the courage to have everything on the table and see with no fear.
You’re welcome. Thank you for coming.
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I had a great time chatting with my friend, Julie. One of the things we talked about is all about this internal alignment and how do we find that internal alignment so that we can make decisions from a place of honoring who we are, our own purpose, and our own path. One of the things we talked about is this capacity that we humans have when we stop, listen, and reflect of being our own guides. In her programs and work, she helps people master their own intuition like what we do in Masters in Clarity. We help people master their own clarity. She helps people master their own life and master the connection with their highest self.
She tells the story of how she went through completely disconnected and not aligned. Her life was in a situation where it wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t bad from the outside. It actually looked fine, but from the inside, it was a slow death. She tells the story of how she needed to go in first and reconnect with her internal life that many of us have lost touch with because we do have what I call the internal genie, but that intuition that knows what we want and what we need. She talks about how she went and tapped in to be able to tap out and live a full life. You don’t want to miss our conversation with Julie, where we talk about intuition, clarity, and mastering both.
Important Links:
- Julie Reisler
- Tips on becoming a powerful TEDx speaker with Dolores Hirschmann – Previous episode on the You-est You Podcast
- Enneagram
- Untamed
- The Artist’s Way
- Walking in This World
- Conversations with God
- The Miracle Morning
- You Are a Badass
- Sacred Success
- Rewire for Wealth
- HeartMath
- LinkedIn – Julie Reisler, MA, ACC
- Instagram – Master Transformation Coach
- Facebook – Julie Reisler
- Twitter – Julie Reisler
About Julie Reisler
Julie Reisler, Life Designer®, TV Host, Author, Next Level Facilitator and Global Brand Ambassador is the founder and CEO of Empowered Living, a Life Design and personal development company.
Julie coaches big-hearted high achiever entrepreneurs and facilitates corporate retreats, workshops and masterminds to help participants increase engagement, confidence, work to their strengths and take their career, and life, to the next level. Julie is also the author of the Get a PhD in YOU book series, a multi-time TEDx speaker, host of The You-est You® podcast and meditation teacher on the popular app, Insight Timer, with over 110,000 downloads.
Julie has a master’s degree in coaching and more than twelve certifications in leadership, mindset and wellbeing. Julie is also on the faculty at Georgetown University in their coaching program. Julie is passionate about helping you to be your ‘you-est you’ so you can up-level your life at work and beyond. To learn more about Julie, go to juliereisler.com.