Do you love yourself?
As a self-professed anxious perfectionist, Dr. Jane Tornatore says that no baby enters the world with self-loathing. We LEARN as a result of trauma, abuse, or turmoil that we are flawed, unlovable or intrinsically bad, but we can change these harmful thoughts and the feelings that come with them. Oftentimes, humans form our beliefs before we can speak. Our view of the world and who we are in it develops before the age of five.
I had the privilege of interviewing Dr. Jane Tornatore, Therapist, Speaker and Author of the book, Everything Is PERFECT, Just Not ME! To talk about how can we learn to love ourselves and begin our journey of healing and fulfillment.
Self-love is a word you hear often, however, this term can be very off-putting, as it can be confused with selfishness or ego. Dr. Jane likes the term “self compassion” as a tool to help us move past fear and into feeling worthy. She shares her story of going from having a victim mentality and how she reshaped her thoughts to help her own journey.
Dr. Jane believes everyone is lovable! She encourages us to be aware of what we actually believe. Once we have this awareness, we can move forward to making changes with kindness.
The question “What do you want?” can feel like an intimidating question to ask oneself. Dr. Jane suggests that instead, we ask ourselves “What do you WANT to want?”
When we imagine what we want to want, the same neurons are firing that would when we actually experience it. Noticing how our body reacts to these questions and emotions can be our guideposts in finding our true selves on this path.
Dr. Jane reminds us that little practice is what brings us to sustained and lasting change. She suggests using open-ended statements like “I’m the kind of person who_____ (fill in the blank)” to help move our brains forward from being stuck in harmful thought patterns to embrace the person we are meant to be.
Dr. Jane’s next undertaking is a launching 3-month program called 7 Powerful Practices For Your Inner Perfectionist, designed to reduce stress and change our inner monologue. The program includes easy-to-implement actions and tools to help us create lasting change and spread kindness. Find out more info here: www.everydaylove.me
Jane’s Book Recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
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